“My kid doesn’t want to learn!” Homeschool Troubleshooting

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You are not alone!

This is the time of the year when veteran homeschoolers starting getting frantic emails, phone calls, text messages, and the like from new homeschoolers desperate for advice. Each one is different, but the underlying concern is, “My homeschooling is not working! My child refuses to do school work!” If that’s you, don’t panic! In this blog post, we’ll do some troubleshooting.

First, know that you are not alone! Many successful homeschoolers started off on exactly the same note. Why did they succeed while some others gave up and sent their kids to school? Precisely because they persevered! When they encountered obstacles, they looked for ways to overcome them. They believed in themselves, in their children, and in the value of homeschooling for their family. They believed that it could be done. All they needed was to figure out how. And they did – they read books on homeschooling, watched videos, spoke to experienced homeschoolers, and joined homeschool groups. They paid attention to their children and to themselves and found the homeschool path that worked for their family. You can do this too! I believe in you, dear blog reader!

Discovering Your Homeschool Path

As I’ve mentioned in the past, there are many ways to homeschool. There is no right or wrong way. There is a way that works for your family. If you are new to homeschooling, likely you haven’t discovered it yet. And that’s OK. As homeschoolers, we are not competing with schools or with other families. Our children are not “falling behind.” The process of discovering what works for your family is no less educational than a math lesson. We want our children not only to learn, but to develop a life-long love of learning. When our children are self-motivated, they will learn whatever they need to learn whenever they need it.

So what do you do when your child refuses to do school work? First, you want to find out why. Children may be saying the exact same words but meaning very different things. And if you’re tempted to call your child “lazy,” now is a good time to let go of that temptation. Children have an innate desire to learn. If they are not learning, then it is our responsibility as homeschoolers to find out why and to address the underlying issues.

Trobleshooting

Here are some issues that might be behind refusal to do school work:

• The child feels disconnected from you. Before you begin your homeschool day, you need to take a moment to establish a connection. My favorite parenting expert, Dr. Gordon Neufeld, calls this “collecting.” Your child might be busy playing, and your telling him or her to stop and start doing something else might feel like an intrusion. Before you tell your child what to do, get their attention, get them to make eye contact with you, and make sure they are hearing what you’re saying. For example, you can comment on the Lego™ structure your child is busy building and engage them in conversation about it before you announce that it’s time to put the Legos™ aside for now and start learning. Once the child feels collected and connected, your words have much more power and authority.

• The child feels disconnected from the work expected of them. It could be boring and perceived as unnecessary, or it could be too challenging and overwhelming. There are several steps you can take to address this issue. The first step is to make sure to begin your day of learning with something fun and exciting. This will also make the transition from playing to learning easier. We like starting our day with a good book. Kids are happy to put down their toys if their parent is about to read them that next chapter they’ve been waiting for since yesterday. Other families might enjoy starting their day with exercise or a walk outside, or maybe with a story or music. As I said, there is no right or wrong. Do whatever works for your family.
• Now, suppose you started your day with something fun and had a great time, but then your child still refused to do their work. What now? The next step is to ask yourself whether the work you are giving your child is necessary and appropriate for them. Is it possible to teach the same material in a different way? Maybe with games rather than workbooks? Or maybe it’s this specific workbook that is not working for your child and a different workbook would do the trick? There are so many wonderful homeschool curricula out there. If your child doesn’t like the one you picked, try another one!
• Suppose you’ve tried different approaches and your child still doesn’t want to do the work. Ask yourself if it is possible that the work is too difficult for your child. Perhaps there is a learning disability or attention issue that you are not yet aware of. Try making the work easier. See how you can support your child in mastering this material. Maybe they feel overwhelmed and need it to be broken down into more manageable chunks. Maybe they need some intermediate steps outlined for them. Or maybe they need access to a different medium, such as audiobooks or videos. Observe your child to pinpoint the issue, or turn to professionals for a diagnosis, if necessary.
• The child is not yet ready to learn. If you’ve tried all the tricks in the books and nothing worked, perhaps it’s time to step back and take a break. If your child was in school before, and especially if there a history of burnout related to learning, you might need to spend some time “deschooling” before you officially begin homeschooling. Deschooling means postponing formal, structured learning until your child is ready to dive into it as a fresh start. This concept might be difficult for parents with a type A personality. Don’t worry – you will get back to formal learning in no time. And keep in mind that your child is learning all the time, even when not doing typical school work. They learn from games they play, trips you take them on, and even spontaneous conversations with you. So take a deep breath, relax, and if you absolutely must plan something, plan a fun trip!

It’s a process!

Homeschooling often involves shifts and readjustments. They are part of the process. Good things in life don’t come easily. So if you feel like your homeschooling is not working at the moment, don’t give up! Take it one step at a time. You will soon see your family settling into a homeschooling rhythm that is just right for you!

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