The Foundation
If you’ve been following my blog, or the Digital Homeschool Convention, for a while, you’ve probably heard me say that your most powerful educational tool is your relationship with your child. This is the foundation of homeschooling, which, if strong enough, will support tremendous learning and growth, as your children step outside of their comfort zones and reach high to achieve their full potential.
Now that we are getting ready to begin our next homeschooling year, we want to strengthen our foundation before putting additional strain on it. Hopefully, over the course of the summer, you and your children had a chance to relax and just enjoy each other’s company. These moments, when we convey to our children that we love them and accept them just as they are, without them having to achieve anything or prove anything to us or themselves, are crucial for successful homeschooling. If you feel that your summer has been too busy for that, you might want to take a few days now, before you begin formal learning, to just spend some time together, with no expectations and no strings attached.
Paradoxically, once our children are sure that we accept them unconditionally, they will be open to either new or renewed expectations we will place on them as we resume formal learning. In fact, they will make demands and expectations of themselves, because every child, and every human being, for that matter, has an innate drive to grow.
Our Role as Homeschool Parents
And this is where our role as parents comes in. We want to walk that thin line between challenging our children to learn and grow and succeed and making sure that what we are asking of them, or what they are asking of themselves, is reasonable enough that they can succeed. If the expectations are set too high and our children fail to meet them, they will only get discouraged and stop trying. And then they’ll be stuck in a cycle of not putting in enough effort, failing, and repeating all over again.
So the next component of successful homeschooling that I’d like to mention is knowing your child – their strengths, their weaknesses, exactly how much they are capable of, and where that line is between challenging enough but not overwhelmingly difficult or impossible. Of course, there will be some trial and error. After all, we and our children and human and not always predictable. But having a general idea of where your child stands is very helpful.
Getting Your Child on Board
Another component is getting your child on board. If you’ve been homeschooling for a while, likely your child is already excited about the upcoming homeschool year and all the fun projects, books, activities, and trips you have planned. If they are not excited, you might want to spend some time finding out why. What do they look forward to? And what is it that they would rather avoid? Is there anything you can do to help them enjoy homeschooling more?
There could be many factors at play. If your children are older and new to homeschooling, they might be worried about their social life. The best way to address these concerns is to take them to a homeschool park day or trip, where they can meet other homeschoolers. I still remember the first homeschool get together we attended, years ago, and how impressed I was with the homeschooling children, who made my children feel so welcome. Spending time with other homeschoolers who are excited about homeschooling is the best way to get your reluctant homeschooler on board.
Addressing Your Child’s Concerns
Perhaps your child is gifted and worried about being bored with homeschool assignments. Or perhaps, he or she is a struggling learner and is worried about being able to complete the work. In both cases, the best way to address these concerns is to involve the child in choosing the curriculum and determining the structure of your day. Ask your child what they would like to do in an ideal world, where they can spend their days in any way they’d like. Then make sure that your child has plenty of time to do what they expressed interest in doing, whether it drawing, or playing piano, or riding a bike, or just reading books of their choice. That’s one of the advantages of homeschooling – your child will have enough time to pursue their interests, without neglecting academics.
(Parenthetically, the question I always get is – what if my child is not interested in anything? This question is often asked by new homeschoolers with older children who had been in school before. Unfortunately, prior school experience has turned off many children from learning, to the extent that they claim they are not interested in anything. What these children need is deschooling – time to just be themselves and discover their interests and passions, without any academic pressure. Deschooling is beyond the scope of this blog post, but you can find lots of information about it online.)
Planning for Challenging Subjects
Once you’ve allotted a significant amount of time to the things your child would like to do, you can start fitting their less favorite subjects and activities into your day. Here, too, the child can be actively involved in setting goals and determining how to reach them. For example, with a child who doesn’t enjoy math, I’ve gotten samples of different math curricula and let the child try them out. We chose a curriculum together. Math might still not be this child’s favorite activity, but at least, it’s doable and not intimidating. And when done one-on-one, it doesn’t take that long! The child can keep in mind that as soon as the lesson is over, they can go back to their favorite activity.
As your children grow and mature, they will learn to take pleasure not only in easy or fun activities, but also in the sense of accomplishment that results from hard work. They will put in the effort they need to succeed not because you or another adult tells them to, but because they want to succeed and reach their goals. And when they experience success again and again, they might even begin to enjoy the hard work that is part of the process.
You Are on the Same Team!
The message you want to give your child is that you are on the same team. You are not fighting against him, trying to get him to do something he doesn’t want. Rather, you are supporting him in his learning and growing, even when the going gets tough. You can talk about why the subjects your child doesn’t enjoy are still important to learn, and you can reassure your child that you’ll be there for her, even as she struggles, and help her move on and succeed.
When you put all these components into play, you can start your homeschool year strong. And when the year starts off on a positive note, with your children enjoying the homeschooling process, then even the inevitable difficult days won’t detract from your overall positive homeschooling experience.
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