“Mothers should cultivate their souls so that in turn they may cultivate the souls of their children.”
Karen Andreola, a homeschool parent and author of books on homeschooling, opens her book Mother Culture with this profound quote. As mothers, we tend to get so busy taking care of our families that we neglect our own needs. And by that, I don’t only mean food and sleep. Our emotional and spiritual needs are just as essential to our wellbeing as our physical needs. When we neglect them, we ultimately shortchange our families.
As I wrote in last week’s post, our goal as parents is to help our children actualize their full potential. The best way to teach our children is by example. We need to show our children, by our own example, that we are working on actualizing our own potentials. Learning and growing doesn’t stop when one reaches the legal age of adulthood. We want to continue learning and growing throughout life, and by doing so, we inspire our children to do the same.
In homeschooling circles, this concept is often referred to as mother culture. The term originated from an article with the same title, published in 1892 in The Parents’ Review, a homeschooling magazine edited by Miss Charlotte Mason. (Miss Mason’s contribution to the world of homeschooling is beyond the scope of this post, but we will come back to her in future posts.)
The anonymous author of the article titled Mother Culture, who only signed her name as A., wrote:
[As a woman’s responsibilities at home increase,] she wears herself out… [I]n her efforts to be ideal wife, mother, and mistress, she forgets that she is herself. Then it is, in fact, that she stops growing.
There is no sadder sight in life than a mother, who has so used herself up in her children’s childhood, that she has nothing to give them in their youth… Then, when her children come to that most difficult time between childhood and full development she is nonplussed; and, though she may do much for her children, she cannot do all she might, if she, as they, were growing!
To counteract this sad state of affairs, A. advocates for the development of mother culture, where a mother invests time in her own personal growth. Taking time to read a book is not at all selfish, explains A. To the contrary, it will increase the children’s respect for their mother, which will greatly enhance her parenting and her relationships with her children. A. continues:
Mother must have time to herself. And we must not say “I cannot.” Can any of us say till we have tried, not for one week, but for one whole year, day after day, that we “cannot” get one half-hour out of the twenty-four for “Mother Culture?”–one half-hour in which we can read, think, or “remember.”
If you, like me, love to read but feel guilty taking the time to finish all those books you’ve started and kept meaning to get back to, it is time to shift your perspective. When you carve out some time for yourself and enjoy a good book, you’re doing your family a service! So don’t feel guilty. Enjoy that book!
Realistically speaking, interruptions will happen. You won’t be able to finish a book in one sitting, like you used to before you had children. But that’s fine, as long as you get back to it eventually. A. describes her friend:
The wisest woman I ever knew–the best wife, the best mother, the best mistress, the best friend–told me once, when I asked her how, with her weak health and many calls upon her time, she managed to read so much, “I always keep three books going–a stiff book, a moderately easy book, and a novel, and I always take up the one I feel fit for!” That is the secret; always have something “going” to grow by. If we mothers were all “growing” there would be less going astray among our boys, less separation in mind from our girls.
Let’s take a lesson from this wise woman and keep three types of books going. So, what are you reading next?
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Need more information and inspiration about self-care for homeschoolers? Attend February’s live session, Why the Homeschool Mama Needs Self-Care, and Why Self-Care is More than Netflix, Dark Chocolate and the Spa by Teresa Wiedrick. This event is part of Digital Homeschool Convention 2020 2021 School Year Sessions.
Or check out our Free Year Round Convention!
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